You Schmooze, You Lose

How many times have you heard this networking advice: "Be prepared to chat about little tidbits of local news." "Keep a story or two in mind that you'll talk about with others." "Schmooze with others so they will like and trust you."

What's going on here? Are you going to a party or a business networking event? I hope that business networking events will provide a light and festive atmosphere, as you would find at a party because it's certainly more pleasing to carry on conversations with strangers when the environment lifts the mood.

You're there specifically to take a few steps towards finding people with whom you might build relationships. Networking activities put time, money and your energy at risk. If you don't know how to learn whether someone you meet is likely to be someone you could build a relationship with, you've increased the risk that your investment is wasted. I do not believe that being a great schmoozer is the way to lower your risk.

Schmoozing is like groping in a dark room for a single light switch hanging on a string from the ceiling. You could walk around and around and never quite touch it, leaving yourself in the dark forever. So it is with schmoozing or small talk. Where people live, their thoughts about the traffic, the weather or the local sports franchise are shots in the dark. If you ask general questions, you'll get lots of one word answers, or the all time favorite, "I don't know." You might find a point where your interests intersect, but there's a strong likelihood you won't.

There is one question which is sure to elicit a long, authentic, meaningful answer when you are at a business networking event. This all important question is so direct, so relevant, and so inviting, that your conversational partner will be thrilled to answer it. All you have to do is listen attentively, use encouraging words, and ask the occasional question, and you'll find out more information than any schmoozing would lead to.

The question to ask is: "What's the biggest challenge in your business today?" Ask it with curiosity in your voice, be a bit playful, such as "you know, I'm really curious, I hope that's okay, what would you say is the biggest challenge in your business today?"

Imagine not having to search for local news tidbits or stumble through a barely memorized list of cute stories. You won't have to put on false cheer when you're in a serious, curious, business frame of mind. You only have to be prepared with your one question, and you'll find out whether the person you're talking to could be a client, a vendor or a referral partner. If none of the above, you have a perfect opportunity to say, "thanks for telling me about that, as I meet other people, I'll keep you in mind." And then you're on to the next person, and you ask again: "What's the biggest challenge in your business today?"

If you schmooze, you lose.